It is my third day here, in Guatemala & I have moved up to a
beautiful lake located on the edge of an active volcano. I wake, just
at sunrise each morning to a glorious view of the lake out my window
& the surrounding towns.
There are five towns located here around Lake Atitlan. I am in a quiet
lodge just outside the small town of San Marcos. The rooms are built
into the side of a hill and overlook the lake. Being their only guest,
I had my choice of rooms. I had picked the one high on the hillside
just off the road which gives me the most privacy, a wonderful spot.
The room is large, meant for three people, simple but quite nicely
done with tile floors & stucco walls.
On the first day, when I entered the room there were fresh cut bouganvia
on the beds laid on top of clean white towels. My only roomie, a large
spider who lives behind a picture on the far wall. I have tried on
numerous occasions to catch him & put him outside, but he eludes
me. So we have struck a bargain, I will let him stay if he resides
on the other side of the room. I guess a lesson in tolerance.
I can feel the love that is taken with this place & its grounds.
My heart aches to be here alone. I wish to share this with you &
feel your presence everywhere. There is only one small flaw with my
room. The windows are too high to see the lake from the bed in the
morning without sitting up. Who knows, maybe that was done on purpose
to give one a reason to get up at sunrise.
It threatens rain almost every night. Each evening after a quiet dinner
down at the lake I sit & watch the lightning bugs dance across
a lightning streaked sky press against the shadowy presence of the
volcano. Afterward, I head up to my room & dream you are here
with me. We sleep close like two new lovers who can’t be close
enough, almost imprinted on each others souls. It feels so real, yet
each morning I wake alone.
This morning I woke wondering how these people could live in the shadow
of an active volcano with the threat of danger a constant neighbor.
I realized almost instantly, this is exactly where they need to be.
The volcano is a looming reminder of their own mortality which lets
them be thankful for each new day and forces them to live life as
it comes. They love the land and each other & this keeps their
fears from driving them.
These feelings are similar to my feelings of being a Lesbian in America
at this time with the threats of legalized prejudice coming at us
from our own government. I realize that our country’s fears
have taken over. There is no longer the illusion of being safe, of
invulnerability for our country. The best we can do is accept our
vulnerability & have each individual stand for her/his own truth.
This can create conflict but we need to learn to deal with conflict
in a different way, so here is our lesson.
No measures we institute can protect us from our own fears, guilts
& mistrusts. Pointing fingers or attacking to “protect ourselves”
is part of the problem not part of the solution. Just the simple act
of protecting ourselves gives weight & usefulness to the attackers.
Protecting others, as a self center action, only impedes the progress
of those protected & allows us not to deal with our own fears.
It is time to truly act out the belief that for every action there
is an equal & opposite reaction. Every act of war & hate must
be countered with an act of peace, compassion & love. Every transgression
must be forgiven & every mistrust must be mended into trust in
order for us to move survive & thrive. We must know in our deepest
corners that another’s person’s progress does not impede
our own.
In order to do this all people have to accept their limitations and
vulnerabilities. We all must stay true to ourselves and others &
still not get caught up in egotistical or insecure judgments. A difficult
task, but one I think Lesbian & Gay men, no all humans, are trying
to do. This focus along with the support & love from our straight
friends, injects a great surge of brightness into my world & hopefully
will move us forward to shed our fears which hold us all back.
Like the people of Lake Atitlan, may we all move forward in peace,
generosity, acceptance of each other & the spirit of love. We
must believe there is enough for us all to thrive and make it so.
I am a 52-year-old lesbian women. I became estranged
from someone due to a misunderstanding & this was written for
her and as a tribute to the people of Guatemala.
