“You owe me,” Lauren said, glaring at Matthew.
“How do you figure that?”
“Last year — when you went to Las Vegas for the week,
I had Josh for three weekends in a row.”
“Lauren, that was a business trip, for chrissakes! Just because
the seminar was in Vegas doesn’t mean that I was there for fun. Besides,
how can you say I owe you? You owe me! How many extra times did I
take Josh last summer when you were fooling around with ‘Mr.
America’?”
“Brock was my personal trainer. And he was not a bodybuilder
— he was ripped but well-proportioned, not like those Pumping
Iron freaks.”
“Lauren, it doesn’t matter if he was Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger
or Don fucking Knotts. The point is he spent every weekend with you
for two months and I kept Josh for eight straight weekends.”
“Well, four of those weekends were yours, anyway. The custody
agreement says…”
“Lauren, I know what the custody agreement says. Can we both
be adults here and resolve this without relying on the legal system
this time?”
“Matthew, you son-of-a-bitch! How dare you!“ Lauren glanced
at the couple at the adjoining table and lowered her voice.”We
wouldn’t be having this conversation if it weren’t for
your ‘little fling’ with whatshername.” Lauren tossed
her head, sending her hair flying back over her shoulders.”Little
fling?” She snorted.”What am I saying? You cheated on
me for more than a year.”
“God, that’s such ancient history.” Matthew paused.”Besides,
my ’little fling’ may have been the catalyst — but our marriage
was dead long before that. However, I’m not going rehash the final
years of our wedded bliss over lunch with you. I’ve moved on with
my life. Why can’t you?”
“Don’t be smug with me, Matthew.”
“I’m not being smug. I just want to finish my lunch and get
back to work. I have to get Josh from daycare early today —
it’s his therapy day.”
“It’s Wednesday! His therapy day is Friday.”
“Dr. Hill is taking a long weekend. His office called to reschedule.”
“Well, I hope it’s just for this week. I have yoga on Wednesdays.”
“Yes, just for this week.” Matthew glanced at his watch,
removed the strainer from the teapot, and poured a cup.”So,
what’s the deal,” he continued.”You want to switch weekends
or am I expected to just give you a ‘freebie’? What do
I get in return?” Matthew leered at Lauren.
“Matthew, you’re so juvenile sometimes. Most times, come to
think of it. If you hadn’t pushed so hard for joint custody,
you wouldn’t have to be so ‘inconvenienced.’”
“I’m not concerned about being ‘inconvenienced,’
as you put it, Lauren. I just want to be treated fairly in this arrangement.
However, if every other week is too much for you to deal with, why
don’t you let me have full custody?”
“Are you nuts, Matthew?”
“Well, then, you take full custody…”
“Aha! There it is! You want out of this responsibility altogether!”
“No I don’t! But this ‘split home’ and ‘every-other-week’
bullshit is what has Josh in therapy. It just seems to me that he’d
be better off if he was living full-time with one or the other of
us.”
“That’s not what Dr. Hill says.”
“Dr. Hill is a quack,” Matthew interrupted. “It’s
a huge waste of money to have Josh seeing him.”
“Let’s not get into that discussion. In case you’ve forgotten,
it’s part of the settlement.”
“I haven’t forgotten — believe me, I haven’t forgotten.”
“God, it’s almost one o’clock! I’ve got a hair appointment at
one thirty. Okay, Matthew, here’s my proposal. You keep Josh for me
this weekend and I’ll pick him up around eight on Sunday night. Then
I owe you a weekend next month. Okay?”
Matthew sighed. “Okay, okay. But I don’t want a hassle next
month when we discuss this. You owe me.”
“Yes, I owe you. Well, got to run.” Lauren placed some
bills next to her plate and stood up. “Oh, by the way —
Josh has to go to the vet on Saturday. He’s due for his annual
rabies shot.”
Bud Debo lives in San Rafael, California.
